Chapter 10

"Decisions are often the easiest thing I've ever made. I am of the opinion that if I don't like my current decision, I'll just make another. Problem solved!" Gideon M Kainer, Spurious Advice from People I Knew Comedy Show, 73rd Remove.

Dr. MacPiel was an oddly attractive plus size woman. The deep set eyes behind her overtly fashionable hair and her pristine attention to wardrobe made it clear she was absolutely an academic of the first order. If her demeanor didn't convince you of her academic prowess, the wall behind her chair settled the case clearly.

"I'm not saying the memories will ever go away, but the razor edge with which it attacks you will dull. That acceptance is a place we hope to see one day. But you need to process this grief. You're only one week into a lifelong journey." The psychologist lowered her fountain pen to the side table clicking on the cap with one hand. The metal barrel of the pen lightly taped the cherry veneer of the table top as Dr. MacPiel leaned forward. "But I'm interested in hearing more... Please. Continue."

Merrek's eyes had been misted with tears for most of the first half of the session. His hands felt like swamps and his shoulders felt heavy. His throat tightened as he laid down a few photos of the team for the first time. "These people had names and faces. My decision has erased their names from the future. Their loved ones will never see their faces again. I think it's important that those of us who made these decisions see the faces, say the names... endure the understanding of the weight of what we do."

Merrek paused noticeably as he glanced out the 3rd floor window at the billowy evergreen branches just outside. A black crow had landed on a branch within view and proceeded to caw to his peers. Though the sound was almost absent, just the image and understanding of the animal felt like a claw running down Merrek's spine. How incredibly serendipitous the presence of such a symbol of doom sat within his view for the last several minutes. The psychologist seemed unfazed by the barely audible screeches.

Merrek continued, "You are one of the few people on base who are aware of what we do that doesn't have a direct stake in making the calls. I don't know if that makes you lucky or just a passenger along for the ride." His eyes then cast back toward the counselor. "Did you know any of them?"

He let the question hang as he lifted up one of the photos off the sofa by the corner as if to display it to the good doctor.

"This one had a kid on the way... I found out yesterday it's going to be a little girl. He never found that out, but he confided a hopeful name to me one day during lunch." Merrek's voice cracked & choked out the last syllable. "Paul was a good man who will never meet his daughter."

The tears puddled on the back of the time traveler's hand and ran down to his elbow as he pressed his eyes with his thumb & forefinger and sniffed loudly.

"Kaija." He mumbled.

He shot a sorrowful gaze up at the counselor. "Why do I get to know her name and he doesn't? WHY!? HUH? That's not right! Can we make this right?" The sobs became overwhelming as Merrek's voice muffled behind heavy congestion from his sadness.

Dr. MacPiel held aloft the box of tissues as an offering of consolation. "Here. Take your time."

Merrek graciously accepted the tissues & wiped his eyes before blowing his nose loudly. He cleared his throat & gulped, "Surely I can do something. Their families may never forgive me if they find out what we do here."

"Dr. Ovandir, I know this may sound strange considering what we do here... but you cannot change the past. No matter what we do, no matter how we change things, there is a path forward. If changing things was conducive to the future, I'm sure preparation could be made for modifications. It's quite possible, they already are being made." consoled the psychologist.

"No. No that's not how this works. You don't get it." Merrek's voice transitioned to an almost professorial tone. "No. If there was going to be a plan – a change – I would have already been consulted and my work would be focused almost entirely at the results."

He paused, then with certainty, "No. This has been set in the masonry of our decisions and that is what I cannot bear." His voice gained a tinge of grit as his jaw stiffened, "I have the tools at my fingertips to fix things but I cannot... I should not... I dare not. That is the most unbearable torture. It's maddening! Do you understand that? It seems something only I understand at the moment, but I'm certain others know how this feels. Right?"

The session continued for the remainder of the hour and Merrek battled the feeling as if he was rambling and just out of reach of the words to express his pain... But there was more... it was as if a selection of thoughts remained unformed and past the borders where his mind could grasp.

The hour was up.

Dr. MacPiel had already begun to ramp down the conversation but allowed Merrek to continue a bit long until she knew the pressure of the next appointment was going to begin to become unavoidable. "Dr Ovandir, Please set up another time next week. I have lots of additional questions, but I think you need some time to process what we did today. I'd love to tell you it was a breakthrough, but we are too early for those proclamations." She smiled empathetically.

"It will come. Give it time." She said as she placed her hand gently on his shoulder.. They both walked to the foyer where the psychologist addressed the receptionist in making the next appointment. "Tuesday work? Or would you prefer a full week?"

Merrek nodded. "Tuesday's fine. Early if possible."

"Tuesday it is." the receptionist gently smiled as she handed him a card with a the date and time written in bulbous cursive.

Merrek closed the door behind him and looked toward the quad across campus. With purpose, he ignored the pathed walkways as he walked across campus. "I need a notebook."

* * *

"Have you heard back from Marilyn yet?" Terry said a bit more exasperated than normal.

Madeline stood near the fire tossing a couple twigs in the flames. "Yes. She called a few moments ago. We were on a video chat, don't you remember?" Her words were coated in sarcasm. "You do realize we are still in the eighteen hundreds, right?"

"You know what I mean." Terry's eyes rolled, then to Chase, "Any signs of them headed this way?"

"Boss man, you need to chill. You're like a cat watching a bird through a window. They're not even supposed to be back for at least 4 more hours. And we all know they're more likely to show up after dark." Chase forced a chuckle, "I know you're aching to get out there and do your job, but we don't have a part in this at the moment."

Chase held a cup of coffee out to Terry. "Here, have some sludge and cheer the hell up. You're gonna drive us mad."

"Sorry, man. It's just not right. I'm usually out there." Terry pointed towards the cave entrance. "I like it better when I'm in control of the mission."

Felicia almost spat her coffee out. "Hah! There's some honesty for you! First step of overcoming is admitting you have a problem." She gave Terry a side eye before tossing her paper cup in the fire.

Terry glared at Felicia then at Madeline, "Sak— I mean, Madeline, you know what I mean. We had some strangely fortunate luck back in 1824 after it felt like things were going sideways in the most spectacular way. Now I'm sitting back at the pod drinking coffee like I'm on vacation. I'm supposed to be working."

Frederick chimed in, "Terry, bro. You are working. Hell, you should probably lay off the coffee! You're working more now sitting there than anyone out there. Besides, Chris is out there! You trust him, don't you?!"

"Of course I trust Topper! I'm just getting stir crazy, that's all" Terry looked over his shoulder where Sakky had placed her hand in a knowing reassurance. "Chris is probably the most capable of all of us, but if any of you tell him I said that, I'll deny it til my grave." Terry forced a smile.

Chase broke in, "Well this therapy session has been outstanding, but I gotta go take a leak. Terry, you mind watching the entrance for me while I go hit the head?"

Terry nodded & tossed the last few drops of his coffee at the cave wall.

Moment's later, Chase joined Terry at the cave entrance.

"Did you wash your hands?" Terry said sarcastically.

"Nah. Learned not to piss on my hands when I was in training." Chase & Terry both gazed out at the fog hazed meadow just past the edge of the trees.

"This fog is going to slow them down. Wish we had good weather forecasts. It sucks not knowing what the weather's gonna be." Terry made small talk & glanced into the cave.

"Nah. You're just soft. Desk jobs will do that to ya." Chase said with sarcasm looking back toward where the pod was barely lit by the small campfire. "You really think Merrek may be playing the game maker?" He said to Terry without taking his eyes off the dim flicker of the fire slightly visible from where they stood.

Terry pushed his eyes up at Chase. "Somethin's not right. The way things went wrong in 1824... hell, we should have had a cleaner crew popping in. I was waiting to just not exist any longer. I was waiting to know it was coming. But it didn't. Tell me how that happened!"

"I know what you mean. But if it were Merrek... just work with me here, If it were, don't you think they'd have given more than just a 'keep your eyes out' warning? I mean, they've got the best minds in the world scratching chalkboards in that think tank. Merrek is smart, but he can't be smarter than all those nerds." Chase fell silent for a moment. "Maybe we just got lucky. But yeah. It does make me uneasy sitting back here babysitting a bunch of pocket protector people."

"I'm thinking about running over there to the river through the trees to just get a look. If anything, maybe just to get a little air. You okay with that? If I go that path, I won't be more than three quarters of a mile away. It may do me good just to clear my head. You okay if I head out? Baker is scheduled to get up from his nap any moment."

"Take a walk, Terry. We got this here. I'll go wake up Baker. Try to be back here before the fog burns away." Chase nodded to his friend.

Terry scooped up a branch for a walking stick & set out.

* * *

The vantage point from atop the low cliffs was useful but this fog was making keeping watch over the caves almost pointless. Ben sat there knowing nothing was coming and he was just wasting his time.

His brown pants and soiled clothing blended well with his rocky surroundings and the dozens of trees about him. No one knew where he was and he was growing impatient.

"Who cares. I have to piss." Ben whispered aloud as he relieved himself off the ledge.

Ben sat down in the crag where his patron had directed him. This newfound friend seemed almost certain he would see someone today but the fog made it almost impossible to see anything.

Still he promised he'd stay out today and report back what he saw.

"Fog! I saw fog." He mockingly role played reporting back to this stranger he had known now for only 2 years.

"Wait!" He whispered to himself.

A modeled gray figure was barely visible in the trees. Ben couldn't tell if it was a bear or ... "What the hell is that?" he whispered almost inaudibly. "Surely that's not a person." It moved a bit further out of the woods.

"It's a man." He mouthed the words.

The figure stopped in his tracks and then scurried back into the trees almost as suddenly as he appeared.

"Oh my. Did he see me?"

* * *

Chase held his hand aloft waving Terry away.

Terry skirted the tree line a different path being sure to stay under the thickest part of the canopy until he could reach the outcropping of the ledge. He walked a quarter mile to circle around to return to the cave under the cover of trees.

Walking into the cave, Terry said in a low rumble, "What the hell were you freaking out about?"

"I don't think animals piss off the side of a cliff. Someone's up there. Based on our chat, I just don't want us to be right. If anyone knows where we're going to be, well, it would be him, right?" Chase raised the question as if the answer presented itself.

"You don't think he saw me, do ya?" Terry clearly concerned.

"No way of knowing. We're still here. No idea what that means. But I think we continue on until we don't." Chase counted the clearest action was continuation. "I've already told the team what I saw. And yes, it was urine. If I'd have stepped out two feet further, I'd have been taking a shower in it."

"That seems unpleasant." With no humor in his voice, Terry turned to enter the cave, "Do we need to move the pod?" He looked around at the crew, "I feel like we need to move it. But how do we know if someone's up there watching?"

"Someone's gonna have to go up there" Chase said with certainty.

"I'll go." Terry paused. "Yeah. Let me grab my things. If he saw me, he's probably gone. But I'll run up there."

"If you see someone, toss a tree branch down. If you see no one, toss a handful of pebbles down." Chase advised. "We have no idea where they are, so no yelling."

* * *

The climb up the shallow cliff was fairly easy. But now terry was a good quarter mile down the rock line from their cave. He had kept his eye on the rock formation that he had memorized to identify when he was over their entrance. The hillside was rocky and peppered with pine trees.

Terry made his way back towards the ledge above their cave being careful not to broadcast his presence. Walking to the edge of the cliff, he was just under a small patch of trees that he believed was just overhead of his current residence.

"I think that's where I was earlier where Chase warned me." Terry mumbled to himself.

The fog had almost fully burned away and he could clearly see what he believed to be his path to his morning voyage of clarity. "The fog must have thinned quite a bit while I was away. I can see almost everything clearly. Heck, If I was watching for any of our team, this would be exactly where I'd wanna be." Now almost conversational volume. As he looked down the edge of the cliff to see a face peering up him.

* * *

Ben's eyes connected with the newcomer in clear shock.

"Hello." Ben said with an almost frozen surprise.

"Hello!" Terry returned as he pulled a few small branches off the pine tree to his left. "I thought I was the only person who knew about this view up here!" he played it cool.

If Terry's heart skipped a beat when he saw Ben, no one would know it. His years of training had drilled in that he must hem in his emotional response and keep the situation in control at all times. Terry tossed the fist full of sticks off the edge of the cliff.

"Hey. I recognize you. Aren't you that runaway slave we rescued all that time back?"

"Ben? Hello! Yes, that was me. Now I recognize you!" Terry somewhat confused as to whether to be relieved or more concerned. Still he pushed forward, "I was never a slave... They were mistaken"

"I wondered what had happened to you." Ben queried.

Terry didn't offer any information as he offered a hand up the cliff edge. "What are you doing out here?"

"Oh, a few years ago, I met a guy who said he would offer me a dollar per day if I sat out here and told him what I saw on certain days. So far, he owes me 3 dollars!" Ben confessed.

"So? What have you seen? Lots of birds & deer I suppose, right?" Terry surprised by the odd information.

"Yes, if that. I did see a buck yesterday but I had no way to kill it. You were the only person I saw. I just assume this man is a kook." Then with resolve, Ben asked Terry, "Would you want to come out to my home? We would gladly feed you."

"Oh, no. I couldn't. Besides. I was coming out here to spend time in God's creation." Terry protested. "Hey, who would pay you so much to just watch for birds and animals? Maybe he could hire us both!"

"He calls himself Mr. Mark. He talks strangely." Ben said.

"Well, I hope he pays you well. I should probably return It will be time for dinner by the time I get back." Terry fabricated his exit.

Ben shook Terry's hand and they parted ways.

* * *

"Surely Merrek is alive. I'm almost certain of it." Terry whispered to Chase & Baker as they sat and ate their rationed meat and bread.

"You saw him?" Baker choked in shocked surprise.

"No. Do you remember the family who purchased me away from the slave traders? Ben? He was one of the younger kids of the home. I saw him up there. But he said he had been hired by a 'Mr. Mark' to keep watch here. He's paying him a dollar per day. I think he's using a pseudonym." Terry let his statements sink in, "It feels like Merrek, But I cannot be certain!"

"Yeah, you have a point. We will absolutely need to move the pod." Chase said gravely. "Terry, do you think you could run up there this evening before it gets too dark and give us a report... We may be able to move the pod this evening — the sooner the better!"

Terry nodded. "Let's get the team ready. Jus tell them there's a possibility of being discovered. No need to go into details. Man am I glad Marilyn, John, & Chris didn't return during that."

"Sounds good." Baker replied. "Let's get prepped. It'll be go time soon. Let's rejoin here in 30 minutes."

The group split & got the team ready to move.

* * *